Late night thoughts

I havn't had a late night up listening to Blink in a long long time.
It gets me thinking a lot.
And i miss my bestfriends..
I have lost them all.. It sucks.. a lot.
No one really knows the pain of losing 5 best friends in one foul swoop.
I can't believe how selfish i was and how hurtful i could be towards them,
after all the years of kindness and support. For only me to throw it back in their face..
I want them back. I want to be able to laugh with them without having that strong disgusting feeling in the back of my throat and deep in my stomach.
I want to be able to laugh with them and not feel as though they are always second guessing with me, to see if i am who i once was, to see if i have became that guy i once was.

I don't think there is any words to describe how i feel about it all.
Sorry isn't enough, and will never be enough.
I just don't think after me saying those words " I'm Sorry " that it could go back to normal.
But i guess i could start by saying them.
Just until i can find the right way to show each and everyone of them that i am sorry.

Ryan;
I'm sorry.
For betraying you, for lying to you constantly. For breaking the bonds we had.

Izzy & Tom;
I'm sorry.
For being the jerk and not listening to the advice you guys were giving me and trying to help me through those times.

Holly;
I'm sorry.
For not seeing you as much as i should be, for not being there for you when you needed it and wanted it. Even if you wanted a shoulder to cry on. I wasn't there..

Jess;
I'm sorry.
Even though i know these words don't mean anything to you anymore.. this is what its for.
For leaving you stranded, not helping you when you need it the most. Not supporting you, not paying attention to you, not taking interest in what you were saying or doing and basically not making the effort for anything. You have always been my best friend.
I do not care what anyone else says. I will not let anything stand in the way of us being friends. We are past the part where we still had feeling for each other. But now it's different feelings. I believe now, we have grown up. We have matured. We have become adults and don't argue with everything we say. I am glad to say thankyou for everything. But i still wish to say sorry once more.


And if your one of those sad fuckers that think stalking this and telling my girlfriend about it is going to make us fight, guess what. She knows. She can read. It's all on here and i admit i wrote it. Get the fuck over it. If anyone isn't alright with me saying all these things on here and talking to my old friends then just leave. Because if you can't believe the things i say, then that's your problem.